Hmmm… I’m an awkward writer so please excuse me if you find my writing inconsistent.
Inner or internal monologue by definition is the inner voice inside your head where you can actually hear yourself talk to yourself. Does that make sense? Hahaha! I just thought of this particular topic cause I want to talk about what goes on in my head whenever something happens, whether it be good or not.
By default, my internal monologue always tells me to kill myself, or I should die. If I feel happy, I’ll tell myself to die, if I feel embarrassed I’ll tell myself that I’m gonna die. It has always been like this since college and I don’t know how I developed this habit of telling myself to die whenever something happens. It’s like a coping mechanism to keep my mind from overthinking. It helps, I guess. But somehow it’s troublesome cause I sometimes say it out loud without thinking, and people would hear it, and then they would think it’s weird… which it is, but we don’t want them thinking I’m suicidal. Becsuse I’m not.
Really, I’m not. My internal monologue may be mean but it helps me get over my intrusive thoughts and emotions. Nevertheless, recognizing that my mean internal monologue is helping me doesn’t mean I should tolerate it. I know I shouldn’t, and I wouldn’t, hence the title of this post. I need help, but I can’t afford psychological help from a professional, so if you see this and you have advise, let me know!
Lovelots.. mean internal monologue.
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